My Flesh

I don’t know why it happens?

 

My flesh. That rebellious nature we all are born with.

 

Why is it such a fight sometimes?! Its so frustrating.

 

I love the Lord so much. But there are times when I love myself more.

 

I just don’t want to.

 

I just don’t want to get up early. I want to sleep in. I don’t want to be diligent. I don’t want to pray. I don’t want to control my attitude when I woke up on the wrong side of bed. I don’t want to homeschool. I don’t currently care if the bathrooms need cleaning… the list goes on…

 

I just sat here this morning knowing the attitude I woke up with and not wanting that attitude to dictate me. Begging God to change it. Wishing I had the energy I once had. Now, I have nothing of myself to rely on but only Christs promises to hold me up.

 

I don’t want my husband or kids to suffer from my selfishness. Yet, at the same time, if I am not careful and let it take over, I also wont care. Selfishness is such an ugly monster that can easily rule in my life if I am not careful to examination myself… and beg for Gods mercy.

 

I know that road. I don’t like that road. Yet, sin can be so tempting. Its such a battle.

 

A battle I am not able to win in my own strength. I keep going back to certain verses in the bible. Promises that I just have to cling to.

 

2Co 12:9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
2Co 12:10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

 

I am not currently grasping the taking pleasure in my infirmities and distresses. But I know the Lord will mold me to that, as clay in the Potters hand, if I am obedient and diligent in heeding His word.

 

My strength, my knowledge, my energy, my attitude, my willpower, my diligence… you name it… is NOTHING compared to that of my God who spoke the world into existence.

 

All I have to do when I have nothing left, is to drop to my knees and look up to God and ask for that power to do His precious will. Sometimes I forget, I am not here for me. Anything He asks me to do, He will supply that divine power. All I have to do is ask Him.

 

Mt 7:7 Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:
Mt 7:8 For every one that asketh receiveth…

Mt 7:11 … how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?

 

I realize I don’t need the energy I had in my 20s. It keeps me in check from doing things in my own strength. I have to be thankful for that. Having to be constantly in communion with God for communication, strength, and direction is the best place to be. Its hard to misstep when we are clinging to His feet. Sowing in tears.

 

Jas 4:14 …For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away.

 

What is my life?

 

A thousand years are but one day in heaven.

 

2Pe 3:8 …that one day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day.

 

My life will be nothing but a blip on the timeline. Nothing life throws us really matters. Cancer, death, health issues, finance… Its all His plan. In eternity, I want to know that I served God well. To the best of my ability.

 

Php 3:14 I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.

 

But as this morning shows… in my own strength and power... I have nothing but failure.

 

2Co 12:9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.